Turning eighteen is a transformative period in life. It’s the age of stepping into adulthood while still holding onto the remnants of adolescence. For many, it’s also a time of boundary-pushing, self-centeredness, and rebellion—behaviors that might seem frustrating or abrasive to those around them. However, these moments of “necessary assholery” are an essential part of personal growth, self-discovery, and establishing independence.
Embracing Independence
At eighteen, individuals are often navigating a newfound sense of freedom. Whether it’s moving out, attending college, starting a job, or simply being recognized as a legal adult, this stage brings significant life changes. To assert their independence, young adults may challenge authority, make their own rules, or dismiss advice from parents and mentors.
While this behavior might appear disrespectful or reckless, it’s a natural step in the journey to adulthood. By testing limits, they learn to trust their judgment, take responsibility for their actions, and define their path forward.
Mistakes as Milestones
Eighteen is a time of trial and error. Many young adults make decisions driven by impulse, curiosity, or peer influence, leading to moments of failure or regret. Whether it’s overspending, pursuing fleeting relationships, or clashing with loved ones, these experiences are invaluable lessons in accountability and self-awareness.
The “assholery” of rejecting guidance or insisting on doing things their way often teaches lessons that words cannot convey. It’s through these mistakes that they develop critical life skills like problem-solving, resilience, and adaptability.
Shifting Relationships
This phase often involves reevaluating relationships with family, friends, and authority figures. Young adults seek to renegotiate these dynamics, often demanding respect as equals rather than subordinates.
This shift can manifest in arguments, stubbornness, or emotional outbursts. However, it’s part of the process of creating more balanced relationships. By asserting their needs and boundaries, they establish the foundation for healthier connections in the future.
The Role of Selfishness
Eighteen-year-olds are often accused of being selfish, but this self-focus is not inherently negative. It’s a necessary step for figuring out personal goals, values, and identity. Prioritizing their dreams, interests, and well-being allows them to build a foundation for their future.
This temporary selfishness is a form of self-preservation as they navigate new challenges and responsibilities. Over time, they learn to balance their needs with the needs of others, developing empathy and emotional intelligence.
Navigating the Assholery
For parents, mentors, and peers, dealing with the necessary assholery of eighteen can be challenging. Offering patience, understanding, and gentle guidance during this period can help young adults feel supported while still exploring their independence.
It’s essential to recognize that these behaviors are not permanent—they are part of a natural progression toward maturity.
Conclusion
The necessary assholery of eighteen is not a flaw—it’s a rite of passage. This phase of rebellion, self-discovery, and occasional selfishness allows young adults to grow into their authentic selves.
Though it can be a messy and tumultuous time, it’s also one of immense growth and transformation. By embracing the chaos and learning from their experiences, eighteen-year-olds lay the foundation for a fulfilling and responsible adulthood.
For those guiding them, understanding and compassion go a long way. The phase will pass, and what emerges is a stronger, wiser individual ready to take on the world.
