Although toxic relationships can destroy people, families, and workplaces severely, they are not always the domain of the helpless, poor, or insecure. People who are strong, healthy, and independent may find themselves ensnared in a toxic relationship. Similar to this, relationships that seem to start out strong because “omg we’re so in love you guys,” can end in little more than ash and legal expenses that, if they weren’t being used to divide half your assets more “half-ly,” could have bought a palace on the Seine.
There is no one size fits all when it comes to toxicity. We are all toxic to someone to some extent, according to Glass. For instance, some individuals find narcissists insufferable while others find them funny. Additionally, toxicity can exist on a continuum and take many forms.
We love love. We do, of course. Love can lift us to high, blissful heights from which we never want to descend, but it can also trip us up and cause us to slip into a more toxic situation. The intense search for love may cause blindness. Even worse, there are occasions when you don’t realize that you’ve been missing from the relationship until you have two children and a home.
1. It’s terrible. All the time
You go to sleep feeling empty and wake up feeling the same way. You feel the sting as you watch other couples acting like happy couple goals. Why couldn’t you experience that kind of love? It can, but you must first make a way for it to find you. It’s never easy to end a relationship, but if you stay too long in a poisonous one, all of your courage, strength, and self-assurance will be lost. Once that occurs, you are helpless.
2. Your Partner Rejects Your Efforts to Express Your Feelings
Any healthy relationship, romantic or not, must value communication. You are not in a two-way relationship if you tell your partner that they have done something that has hurt you and they say, “That’s just who I am,” or become angry, or make you feel crazy and reject your own experience. When you sincerely care about someone, you pay attention to their feelings, respect their limits, and listen to them.
Glass advises people to watch their partner’s behavior when a problem arises. Do they seek improvement, listen, and apologies. Or do they become enraged, make it about you, and make matters worse.
3. You’ve developed self-protective impulses
When you or your partner are interested in “I, me, or my emotions yours,” Roberts refers to this as “turning away.” Instead of being encouraging, frank, or balanced, the couple’s communication focuses on power and control in the marriage. You frequently have the impression that you are engaging in games, exerting your power, or competing for advantage. You understand how it feels if you’ve ever been around someone who frequently makes underhanded comments or mutters snide remarks.
These are large words and difficult emotions to deal with, yet she describes the situation as stressful, draining, and isolated.
4. If only they were like this, you frequently think
It’s a major warning sign if either of you is making an effort to mould the other (or yourself) into a situation that is illogical or is obsessed with changing important aspects of the other. What you see is generally what you get. You should be with people because of who they are rather than in spite of who they are since that is who they are and not who you want them to be. According to Glass, although humans may (and should) adapt in some circumstances, they frequently revert to their original shapes like rubber bands.
5. You Give a Great Deal More Than You Get
You may feel bored, insecure, and confused if you frequently feel as though you are offering more than your partner. Every connection has a healthy balance of giving and receiving, but the energy invested must eventually balance out. According to Glass, being selfish might appear as someone making a lot of demands while disregarding their partner’s needs.
6. When they leave, you experience pleasure
It’s important to take time for yourself, and if you don’t spend all of your time with your spouse, you might come to value them more. But if you feel like you want to run away from them all the time, your relationship certainly isn’t the healthiest. The positive should, in other words, exceed the negative. If you do experience this, consider why. They can be making your life too stressful for you or not giving you the space you need when you need it. Although it may seem apparent, you should prefer being with your mate versus being alone.
